Drawn
by Smudged
Summary: It's about Sirius and I've just finished OotP. If you've finsihed you know what I'm talking about
1. Sirius thoughts

DRAWN 

**A/N- Yup major OotP spoilers in here people.  I was very disturbed at Sirius's Death (mainly coz he's my second favorite character.  The fact I killed him off in my last fic has nothing to do with anything.  This is a one off thing and as always, I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters.  Oh and can anyone else say ARRRR!! WE HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG FOR THE NEXT BOOK!!!!!  Oh well, back to re-reading it is.**

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I hovered between the worlds. I knew I had to make a decision.  Two figures were standing in front of me.  The only outstanding difference was the eye color.  One had hazel eyes, and the other green.  They were both calling for me and I started to remember who they were.  One was James, and one was his son Harry.  One was in death, one was in life.  This was my choice.  Was I to live or die?  I could vaguely make out fighting in my peripheral vision, but that didn't worry me.  I missed James so much.  He was my best friend for quite a bit of my life.  Could I join him and leave his son?  I think Azkaban addled my brain slightly, because I had started seeing Harry as James.  Then I'd snap out of it.  I was going crazy; there was no way around that.  I wish I could have seen Harry more.  Been there for him.  This year was especially hard with that evil woman from the Ministry.  I knew I was denying Harry the chance to know a father figure, but I was sure Remus could fill in.  And he had Molly and Arthur.  It wasn't fair to Harry to have an insane godfather who kept on mistaking him for his dead father.  That decided me.  I went through the veil.

On the other side James was waiting for me.  I looked out and I saw Harry rushing towards the archway.  I could see Remus holding him back, trying to drag him out of the room. I turned to James

_You would have been proud of him Prongs._

And we turned and walked away into the mist to meet up with other departed friends.  I knew I would see Harry again one day, I just hope he understood my decision.

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**ARRR!!! WHY DID SHE HAVE TO KILL HIM!! WHY DO I GET SO INVOLVED IN BOOKS!!! I spent most of it either about to cry or pissed of at that stupid DADA teacher and Fudge.  I can't believe Fred and George went.  Even though I'd still like to see what Molly did in response to that.  It was a very angsty book.  **


	2. Left Alone

How could you leave me?  Am I to be left an orphan completely?  Even though I only met you again two years ago, in that single moment when I found that I had someone who cared for me as a father, the void left from not knowing my parents started to heal.  I knew it would never heal completely, but it was no longer the gaping wound it once was.  Now it is twice as deep and twice as wide.  You were my father Sirius.  Why did you leave me? Was I not up to your expectations as a son?  Was I not out going and risk taking as you? I took a risk Sirius, and when I took that risk, I lost you.  I don't take risks because when I do people get hurt or die.  I now have two deaths on my conscience.   Yours and Cedric's.  You were my confidant.  I could tell you things I couldn't tell Ron and Hermione.  I trusted you and this is how you repay me?  I'm heartbroken, Remus is heartbroken.  Everyone in the Order of the Phoenix is.  I daily get letters asking if I'm okay.  People pushing their own pain to the side to help me deal with mine.   What is it? Help Harry Potter week?  I don't want other people making themselves feel better, by trying to help me.  It makes me feel worse.  Hagrid said you would have wanted to go out fighting.  I'd rather you'd never gone at all.  After being stuck inside for so long, the urge to go fight was like a moth drawn to a flame and eventually you'd both get hurt.  The only reason I exist is to destroy Lord Voldemort.  Doesn't anyone think that's a bit too much responsibility for a 15-year-old boy?  I needed your support, I needed your love.  It's all well and good for people to be telling me you're looking down from where ever you are.  And that you're with my parents and that you'll always care about me.  I don't want to hear that though.  I want to hear your voice.  I want you beside me.

I guess if you died fighting for me, I must have been slightly like the son you wanted.  If I had used the mirrors though, none of this would have happened.  I wouldn't have lost my second father.

I'm sorry Sirius.  I hope you can forgive me and I grow up into the man you and my father wanted me to be.

Harry slowly stood up and went towards a candle he had lit.  He held the edge of the parchment to the flame and watched it turn into ashes.

**_That's how I feel Sirius.  I hope you know that._**__

_He gathered the ashes and blew them out the window_

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.  I love you Sirius 

_Harry stood back and watched the ashes spin on the breeze.  He then turned resolutely and walked away from the window.  Then he froze.  He swore he just heard something.  He went to keep walking and heard it whispered again._

**_I love you too Harry, and you will always make me and your father proud._**

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**A/N-  Okay  I don't know if that made much sense to anyone, but it did to me.  I've got another story thing I just thought of too so hopefully that will be out soon.  **


	3. Forgotten

Remus was walking pointlessly.  Just wandering.  He was numb.  Not able to cry yet. To most of the world Sirius Black was an escaped convict who deserved to be killed.  Up till a few years ago, Remus agreed with him.  Then, on a full moon two years ago, Remus learnt the truth.  And he rejoiced.  He had one of his best friends back.  

_Why did you leave Sirius?  Why didn't you listen to Snape?  Couldn't you have swallowed that blasted pride of yours for once? We wanted you alive.  We needed you alive.  Goddamn you Sirius.  Why couldn't you have listened?_

Remus just kept walking.  His feet eventually led him to the Shrieking Shack.  It hadn't been touched since that night.   Remus could still see Sirius's footsteps.  

_I thought I had lost my three best friends in the space of one night.  James, dead.  Peter, dead. And you in Azkaban.  As good as dead.  Snape took great fun in reminding me that I was best friends with a murderer.  To being with I never thought you could have done it.  Then I began to believe.  There was just too much evidence against you. I'm sorry to have ever doubted you. You were my best friend Sirius.  I loved you and I loved James.  And now you're both…Dead._

And with that word that Remus had been denying to say to himself.  The word that he would not give meaning too.  That simple four-letter word, set him free and let the tears come.

_Wait for me Sirius, wait for me James.  One day, the Marauders will be together again._

Remus stood and went to walk out of the shack, but something in the corner caught his eye. It was a photo of them in their 7th year, just before they graduated.  On the back was written

Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs 

**'Friends are the family you choose for yourself'**

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**A/N-  okay it sucked.  No it wasn't supposed to be slash.  I may have a couple more of Remus and I'll probably re-write this.  Buhbye and once again, you all know where the board is and there are about 5 other links on that page that will take you to other Sirius websites.**


	4. Tired

Dumbledore paced his office.  Pausing every so often to stare at the door, hoping that Harry would turn and walk through the door.  He knew he had no excuse for hiding these things from Harry the last four years.  And in his secrecy had cost Harry the closest thing to a father figure he ever had.  And Dumbledore knew in his heart that it was his fault.

A tear trickled down his cheek, adding to the marks that were already there.  He could have handled it if Harry had thrown things at him, tried to attack him, but the look of absolute destitution that was upon Harry's face broke his heart.  When he had heard that Sirius had died, he felt like he was out living his children.  James, Lily, Sirius, and many past students of his.  All meeting the same fate because of a prophecy few people knew about.  A prophecy that has destroyed many lives, and will destroy many more before it's completed.

Dumbledore looked down at the pensive.  Slowly, spinning, hypnotic.  The pensive was almost full.  Memories of many years.

Dumbledore sat down at his desk.  His head in his hands, and wept.  A single thought crossed his mind.

I am becoming a tired old man 

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A/N- okay chapter was short and sucky.  I think I managed to get across what I thought Dumbledore would be feeling.  One day I may re-write this.  Don't hold your breath.  Feel free to reviews, flame what ever 


	5. Hate

Sirius Black.  How I hated that name.  You made my life hell.  You and your friends.  Did it make you feel big to pick on me? To think only of yourself.  Do not be mistaken Black.  I hate you as much in death as I did in life.  You always wanted to be a hero.  And look where it got you.  First in Azkaban and then dead.  All because you couldn't stand back and let the proper people deal with it.  I hate you.  You evade your responsibilities and then leave others to clean up the mess.  Dumbledore is blaming himself for you death.  Harry's blaming himself for your death.  I personally blame you.   You're a moronic, selfish individual and you finally got what you deserved.  

I hate you Black.  I always have and always will.  

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A/N- I had a weird urge to do Kreacher's point of view but I don't think that would have worked.  So you got Snapey instead.  Yes I know how short it was.  And I really wish I could respond to all the reviews I hadn't yet but somewhere in my writers block I just let them all build up.  And I love you guys for reviews but I'm sorry I can't spend the time flicking back and forth responding to reviews.  I love you all though and If you have any questions, put your email addy in the review and I'll reply.  I can't think of anyone else to do a PoV from and actually have it believable, so This is the end.  Thank you all and I hoped you enjoyed reading. 


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